Dear Mr P,
It has been so long since we've met, and truly from the bottom of my heart. I've always wish you the best of health, and may you finally found the love you've been searching for all your life.
There's been anger between us, there's been hurt, it has been 15 years but the anger is still there. I guess whoever said, time heals all wound was not exactly getting it right were they?
When you were fussing about how Kak Su and myself were gossiping about the past, I couldn't help but be annoyed. Maybe you hated the past, but the past defines us, the past made us who we are today. Some lessons left little to be desired while some, their weight cannot be measured, even in gold.
We are all victims in the game of love. We all are. You were not the only one hurt in this game. I was. Kak Su was. Many were.
I was only 19 when this whole thing came into light. Imagine. My first "real" relationship, and a year later, discovering it was not as "real" as I had thought it would be. Can you imagine, how I looked at relationships after? How much I distrust relationships? You were after all the first benchmark. So no.. You were not the only one hurt in this game of love: We all were.
Today, when Ayeesha called you, Kak Su, left the room. The conversation was too much for her to handle, I suppose. I look at Ayeesha, a child who at her age was not playing or conversing with her father, instead relying on strangers' handouts of love and I felt sadness. Sheer sadness. If it wasn't because I am suppose to be working, I would have left the room too. Her sad implorations were too much for anyone to handle.
You send me a text a day back, asking if I was done "making things up".
I never made anything up. What I said was the truth, unless you chose to deny it.
Was it not true, we met at HRC, you asked for my number and I said no, and you followed us to Newton Circus. Was it not you who insisted for my number, especially if you could walk a straight line? Was it not you, who called, who insisted on coming by to Tampines, day after day to meet me? Was it not you, who picked me up from Pasir Ris for a date to watch some Chinese horror flick at the old Cathay? Was it not you who waited at the MS building at 1999-2000 time period?
Quick to forget, even quicker to deny.
Did you forget that you said to Bambina A and her husband, how you wished your life was as blissful as theirs? And how unhappy you were? Did you forget you said all these and more?
But truly, while there were anger and sadness, I don't hate you and most of all, neither do I want to see you wandering lost and all.
If you feel that you have found the love of your life, we all wish you well. All of us. Even me, the girl from 15 years ago. The nerd. The chick who wants to be hardcore but can't. The girl who imagines of romance and sunsets. The same girl.
All of us wish you well.
But please, don't hurt anymore people. Let your family move on, let them go. And you.. Go on with your new love. Your new life. You go ahead and settled down with her somewhere. I still remember, years ago, you said that the best kind of life, is being away from the city. Being carefree with no worries in the world.
So go get your dream, with your dream girl, but let the people who truly loves you, your children, Kak Su, go in peace. Let them go after their dreams too. They deserve that just as you do.
Once in a while, come back and say hello to the city.
Because you know, the city may be bright. Maybe noisy, but it is home to most of us, especially the ones who had believed in you, had loved you, and perhaps still have not given up: Your family.