You've Been Serve!

i was so damn pissed yesterday.

i was accused of something i didnt do and that was enough to set me off.

apparently i was missing from the office since 6pm and did not appear and daniel was sitting at my desk since 6pm waiting for me to submit the report.

yeah right. i have zee and zully as my witnesses and they were beside me packing the candy canes till 6.45pm. if i was really gone before 6 i wonder who was holding the green bag for zee to stuff the many many many yummy candy canes?

and bufferman was pretending to act all concern.

whatever lah. stop pretending and acting like you ever care. it only serves to hate you more than ever. and by the way, stop bitching about your wife to random strangers. right now she sounds like trailer thrash, and you some pitiful desperate neurotic a**hole.

memang padan muka kau tak dapat jadi OM.

珊瑚海

毁坏的沙碉如何重来 有裂痕的爱怎么重盖?

Gush of Wind.. Could Not Blow Down The Stone House

i just accepted a job offer. i just send out my acceptance message over the mail. was contemplating it the whole day whether i should take it up since the position offered to me is no doubt of a much lower post than my present or previous, but the job scope sounds challenging, and it a new environment so thats something i'm looking eagerly towards. for a while i wonder if i'm betraying anyone by leaving the company, but then after that talk i had with bufferman, i'm taking that if i leave i'm not at a loss.

to quote him, "...with your ridiculous love affair with hershey kisses, you were already marked from the start. they only got you back to get started on the modules (sic). they cant get me to start since i dont have the proper certifications, and i (sic) stress to start it off."

whoa.

i figured i was asked to come back to help, but i didnt know it was at that angle. it was disappointing however to hear it from bufferman the lousy fact. i dont need to know and i would have been none the wiser but i'm guessing he did it to spike me big time. oh well. i'm cheesed off but i'm not really that affected. afterall - words cant kill me. plus i'm thrilled by the fact that as much as i love to whine i dont play the sympathy card like you. you my friend seems to have a habit of telling the whole world about your sorry family affair.

it makes me wonder if you're for real or just wringing the sponge as much as you can.

i didnt probe much about hershey kisses, it was never his story to tell anyway, i stopped him there and told him off. its none of anybody's business i always say.

its quieter at work now that zully is not around. no music. pam was on leave yesterday so the whole place was even more quieter. wong kept to herself in the room and MK, typical MK was constantly disappearing faster than you can an oreo cookie.

i'm not feeling well again. i got my cough and fever, so i dont feel that fantastic honestly. caught the bug from either uncle d or the son. sigh. what luck. why couldnt people just stay at home when they are sick. there's people with fucked up immune system. i feel kinda lousy right now and i was so thinking of hitting mango to buy some tops.

NYE's coming, X'mas right around the corner. what are your plans for the festive seasons?

Flip A Coin

i will be watching this movie. even the trailer had me in stitches. imagine going for one of this retreats because you have relationship problems. oh i really dont know how its ever going to turn out. its a comedy centered around four couples who settle into a tropical-island resort for a vacation. While one of the couples is there to work on the marriage, the others fail to realize that participation in the resort's therapy sessions is not optional. so follow that with stupid antics, you wind up with a bad stitch! who's watching it with me huh?


i bought zully a farewell cum xmas present. its officially his last day, and i'm really upset. we've gotten really close for the past months since i came back and we shared quite a few stuff so i was not looking forward at all to him leaving, but the good thing is he's leaving for france, and france being my favourite country, i'm filled with glee and excitement for him as well. mixed feelings.

the thing is when he's gone, i dont really have anyone to talk to. i'm not close with the rest of the guys and i'm not keen to talking with them. we've never been close anyway. sigh... look like its time to make new ones i suppose.

and by the way, glenn tendered for the 10th time, and retracted his letter for the same number of times. how lame is that? all you have to do is stroke his ego, pat his head and yeah, he change his mind. come on - if you REALLY wanna do it, go and get lost. dont do the drama shit. its seriously getting pathetic.

dugong's fishing again tonight. i'm happy he found his calling, he's really good at it you know? he's always tying knots and rigging stuff, and he always catches all the unique kind of fishes, the kind that you dont see in the markets. the rare finds i always say. he sent me a photo of the crab, and says its good for chilli style of cooking. i told him as long as its 100% dead i'll touch it and cook it. otherwise, forget about me coming close to it. he just msg to say that he caught another fish and he's staying late till he finish his baits. i hope he catches another flower crab, then i can cook more chilli crabs!

i haven send in my resignation letter yet. i'm having mixed feelings about all this, confused and unsure. do you know what i should do? if only life was as easy as flipping a coin. toss to one side and hey thats your decision. no fuss nothing.

and new moon - can somebody (...anybody...) please just watch it with me already?

On Wednesday - I Laughed My Heart Out...

have you read this book?

the time traveller's wife. zul got it for me, an early xmas present. dont you just love surprises? i was reading it from page to page, devouring words after words and then i got to the ending.

and it was depressing like fuck!!!

while i enjoyed the book no less, it was depressing to know that clare had to wait till she was 82 before she meets the love of her life, who happens to be born with some gene defects allowing him to time travel but with little control. needless to say i was in a foul mood afterwards. i hated stories with sad endings, and though the book was good. it kinda wind up making me melancholic, and i hate it when i start to feel that way.

if you ask me should you buy the book and read, well i would say 'yes' but do not expect much of a happy ending. its a twist, but not the way i like it... but oh do get it, or if you want a short cut just go watch the movie. again, i was told the movie did not do the book justice but with 518 pages and only 90 minutes to squeeze in it, no movie could and would ever do a great book justice. oh wait i take it back, 'lord of the rings' was awesome, both movie and book.


i bought new shoes!!! well i bought 2 pairs of shoes and a pair of sandals. dugong gave me shopping vouchers and off course i jumped with excitement. you know how cats get very excited when you wave a fish in front of them? yeah - you get the same reaction when you wave shopping vouchers in front of me. i get seriously happy and when i get to buy shoes. i can practically feel the waves of orgasm riding over me, flushing me with excitement. shopping is better than sex. seriously.

and then we walked around town for a bit. sunati's pretty heavily pregnant by now, so we had to walk slowly and refuel rather often but it was ok. she's hilarious at times. i bought her a earring from dugong's voucher. well i had to fork out a couple of bucks but it was dirt cheap for hours of fun. we eye-candied abit and i laughed at all her weird tastes, and she thought i was sickeningly irritating for being loyal to dugong. (...i told her i love dugong's tummy and thinks he's hot when he's snoring...)

and just for your info, dugong can sleep. i just realise that he can sleep for hours, from 4pm till 8am the following day. this being done without a break in between. he merely got up to switch from the sofa to the bed. i was so damn cheesed at him last night. there i was bored shitless and there he was snoring away.


and then i got home to this. i opened up the letterbox and lo and behold - it was filled with junk mails. seriously? even with the latch up? nana says the postmasters are paid to let the junk mails in, and with the amount that i'm holding up, its no wonder than the earth is dying. leaflets, junk mails... there were so many and guess how many letters did we have? 3. thats right ladies & gentlemen. only a couple of letters but close to 30 pieces of junk mails. urgh!!! is this someone's idea of a joke? save the environment my pretty a**!

and oh... i'm withdrawing from st james project. apparently i'm not up to the standards and competencies that they require. sigh... well i guess its time for me to look for a new job, and find something else. bummer. ;)

and by now you have seen the new design for my blog. do you like it? its different i suppose, but a its the end of the year and i wanted a different blog designa and halimi was taking just about F-O-R-E-V-E-R so i decided to kickstart it myself first and the professionals can do the rescue mission later when they are ready.

oh well... gonna do some facebook and then hit the sack. be good, stay safe.

Sometimes... A Good Cuddle Covers Some Emptiness...

it was funny all right. i went for a karaoke session with dugong and his new pal, aizam at this KTV corner over at jurong. it went well, (...probably because i wasnt singing!) we had a bottle of chivas, stout and a couple of tequila shots. they sang several old school songs, some i recognise while the rest mostly flit for a while in my memory.

and then at 3am we went home. aizan got pretty drunk by then, was crying, was pretty much emotional - wanted to go home with a tranny even. i almost laughed my a** off if not for the fact that it was dugong's friend. we sent him home, back to the wrath of his wife, and even that was funny, cause right before he got smacked by the wife, he stepped on one of his fourteenth cat's tail.

hilarious.

and then by the time we got home, dugong was pretty sober. the buzz was no longer there, but he was pretty intense. went for a chat with one of his brother ucop, trying to talk some senses into him. had a couple of curacao and then finally he decided to settle in for the night with me tucked in his arms.

and as i place my head beside him, listening to him whispering sweet nothings, sometimes when the heart is feeling confused, and lonely... a good cuddle, with a dash of sweet nothings are often enough to drive it away.

temporarily. %)

1 Wedding... 100 Tears...

i have not been the biggest fan of weddings for like the longest time. it does not take a genius to figure this out. i hate going to weddings and the lucky fews that manage to haul me to theirs deserve some kind of recognition - because - not only do i try to squirm my way out of an invite, when i DO get to the wedding, it does not last more than 10 minutes. make an entrance, grab a table, pile plate with food, swallow everything, give red packet and then LEAVE. anything more than 10 minutes? check out the dessert table, smile at random way-too-dressy people whom you'll never meet again for the rest of your life, and THEN leave.

but lately, weddings have been bringing a tinge of sadness to me. lately i spent more than just 10 minutes at a wedding. i spend more time as a matter of a fact. i would look at the decor, appreciate the food menu, discuss over the centre-piece, marvel at the dais, and usually would wait for the bride and groom, and of course when they appear, i would smile, but my smile would be forced. i'm not unhappy with them nor wishing them ill, but i'm sadden at the fact that i for one will not be going through a wedding. occasionally i would feel robbed, but mostly i wonder what would it be like to walk down hundreds of people, with the love of your life walking by your side. i wonder if it would be funny to have a gay wedding planner, who would fuss over you, from your make-up to your gown, to the details of your dais, and i wonder who i complain at the overwhelming attention. i wonder if the love of my life would take a look at me, and like all love songs, feels that i've '...taken his breathe away...' i wonder when he slipped the ring onto my finger, would my future flash by me, and would my foot finally pop when he kiss me.

i guess you must be wondering if i have been watching one time too many wedding shows.

i haven, but as time passes i realise that maybe dugong might not be keen in wanting the same thing as i do. afterall he has gone through it all, and i never, so to go through it all again would just be mundane, boring, and mostly lame for him. its been hard for me to share my thoughts lately. everything has been nothing more than a big mess and i wish i could sort out my thoughts. i have been sadder lately than i would ever have been, and its hard for me to get the words out...

i just wish... somewhere out there, someone is listening to me.

Take A Bow

i have not write as often as i should. so many things have happen lately, changes going around my life that i'm not sure if its the right ones. i dont even know where to begin. i've been going through weird emotions one after another, and its like an endless circle of false facade. a charade that never seems to end.

what do you do now that the love of your life no longer feels the same way as you do? do you hide behind the empty mask, or do you come forward and do something about the whole thing? if you are unsure just as i am, i'm not surprise. i never know what to do in situations like this. when the love of your life stops loving you, do you still cling on to hope, or like all great love stories, do you give way and hope that someday you will have the one true love in your life.

was moving around st james past few nights. i skipped movida. i dont mind the band set but when james spins, it gets really boring. no wonder people loved powerhouse and boiler's dj set. it was seriously good lah! i'm not kidding. i enjoyed myself tremendously and so did my guests. i was just people-watching the whole night i was at powerhouse and even that was enough to make me happy. pretty much hanging out with zul, mk, wong and bri. i kept biting my thumb whenever we enter boiler, zul had to smack my hand to make me stop. cant help it! nervous reflex.

i'm having problems writing obviously... thats why my thoughts dont seem to make sense, and the direction is not as smooth as always. i wish i could explain, but its a whole lot of mess right now. i wish i can talk to someone about it but i'm not sure who i can trust entirely about it.

but the thoughts... its been circling my mind for a while now. circling, and seems to get stronger by the minute. the image, getting clearer and clearer, and though no fault of others, seems to feel so right to me.

i need meat. fresh meat.